ya dads aren't the best wingmen
Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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