Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Randomize