sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Randomize
