i think i have two assholes
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
