Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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