you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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