I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
She told me I should be a condom model.
did i walk over a car last night?
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
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