he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
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