She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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