Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize
