jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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