I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Randomize
