so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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