Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
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