Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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