So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
