Bisexual people are plain selfish.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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