She said her name was "party"
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Someone came in the potted fern
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
