I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Randomize
