oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
