Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
Randomize
