Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Randomize
