That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
