Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
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