I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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