you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Randomize
