So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
Randomize
