ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
