Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
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