He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
Go christen that room with your naked body.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
Randomize
