mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Shame is for Republicans.
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