It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
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