At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
