I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
Randomize
