I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
We got so high we made milksteak
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
