he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
Randomize
