the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Randomize
