I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
