I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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