Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
