I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Randomize
