It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
