If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
