whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Randomize
