just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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