I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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