Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
jump out the window naked night went bad
Randomize
