you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Randomize
