yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Randomize
