from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Randomize
