he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
