His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
My feet surprised me
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize