i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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