Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
Randomize
