my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
