I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
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