I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize