remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
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