I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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