you turned your livingroom into a bong?
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Randomize
