I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
