I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Randomize
