Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
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