May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
