I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Randomize
