there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Randomize
