I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
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