I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
Randomize
