i think my tv is drunk
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
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