I looked at my own cervix.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize