We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Randomize
