I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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