yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
Randomize
