3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize